CRAP CLASSICS

Q: WHAT IS THE SAME ABOUT A TORNADO IN TEXAS AND A DIVORCE IN TENNESSEE ?
A: SOMEBODY'S GONNA LOSE A TRAILER !

Why did the mexican throw his wife outa da window?
Coz he wanted tequila!

The following was overheard at a recent high society party...
"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?"
"I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in the flood."

A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with crap, crossed her path. "Oh, dear," the lady said, "come on, I'll clean you!"
She took a Kleenex from her purse and wiped the duck clean. After finishing, she urged the duck away saying, "Be careful next time!"
She walked on and another duck with crap all over it crossed her way. Again she took out a Kleenex and cleaned the little duck. She warned this one as well and the duck took off. Soon after, she encountered a third duck with the same problem. "Now I've had it!" She whined. "What have you all been doing?" And for the third time she played Florence Nightingale and tended the duck.
She continued her stroll when suddenly she heard a voice from the bushes. "Hey, you, lady!" sounded a male voice in distress.
"Yes?" she replied.
"Do you have a Kleenex?"
"No, not anymore," she answered.
"Too bad. I guess I'll just have to find another duck."

A blind man was waiting on the street corner for traffic. Another pedestrian observed the man's dog pissing on his leg.
The blind man then proceeded to reach in his pocket and started to feed the dog a part of a sandwich. The pedestrian said, "You are going to award him after he just pissed on your leg?"
The blind man said, "No, I just want to find out where his head is, so I can kick him in the ass."